things you may not want to know but I'm telling you anyway

Don’t patronise me.

So, this was something that was nagging me since yesterday, but I was caught up with trying to finish my presentation and packing (I’m on a trip today) that I totally forgot about posting about it. Besides, I did a book review yesterday, so I thought better to post it to the next day so as to not bombard people with my unnecessary rant. Well, here goes.

This started with RAM sharing The Oatmeal comic about not having kids yet. Here, I’ll post the comic.


This comic speaks to me on so many level (and probably to RAM also, I mean he shared it on his Facebook, so he might have agreed on some level with this, right?). Look, kids (or babies, I will use the two interchangeably here) are cute and all but I just don’t think having kids is for everyone. First off, I never really liked kids; I just start to tolerate them these past few years and that’s mostly it became unavoidable to not be nice to kids when it’s your friends’ kids. But, as I got older I start to see kids in a different light.

I used to think kids are this little thing that gets in a way of one’s happiness. Once you have kids, your whole entire life will revolve around this kid, and I’m not entirely sure I’m ready for that much commitment. Gosh dang it, I can’t even share my chicken nuggets with someone else, how am I suppose to share my whole entire life with someone else? That seems like too much of a responsibility for me. But these days, I start to see kid as a huge (emphasise on the word HUGE) responsibility that I don’t think someone like me should be given that much trust.

When you have kids, you are not only responsible for its life (like, are you giving them enough food, shelter, clothes, love and what have you), but you are responsible to how this kid will turn out in life. Surely, you don’t want one of your legacy to be a serial killer, right? That thought occupied my mind a lot, especially after seeing all your friends one by one starts popping out kids. They changed a lot after they have their own kids; some for the better and some for the worst. Nope, I’m not saying they became a bad parent. I’m not here to judge how one raises one’s kids; to each their own, y’all.

See, the thing about when I said some change for the worst is they become judgemental about other people. More often than not when I met people with kids (or are expecting), they’ll start to meddle in your personal life. They start asking when are you going to have kids of your own (or when are you going to be married, if you’re still single). First, how is it your business to know about when am I going to get married or when am I going to have a baby of my own? Second, refer to the first.

And if that’s not enough, when you tell them, (a) “oh I’m not ready yet to have kids, they seem like a huge responsibility”; (b) “I don’t think kids can fit my life plan right now”; (c) “I don’t think I want kids”; or (d) “Ugh, I don’t even like kids!”, all hell will break f loose!!! Yep, these people will start going on a f lecture about (a) how beautiful kids are (I never said they’re not beautiful); (b) kids are blessing from God (err, who the f said that kids are not a f blessing? I just don’t think I want one right now); (c) “don’t worry, you’ll like kids later on if it’s your own (err, are you a f psychic now? What the f do you know about whether or not I would like kids?); or (d) “you should not be selfish, kids are your responsibility” (exactly why I said I don’t think I’m ready for one. Ugh! People!)

But, of all, there are two kinds of newly parents that I despise so much; (1) the one that just f blurts out “go and make one, you look good with babies.” Err, what the actual f? Okay, so I’m just going to make a baby because I look good with one? Because, babies are accessories? What the f is wrong with you? How in God’s name could you possibly said that? What, now? I’m just going to start making shoes and clothes on my own because I look good with proper clothes and shoes? What? Ugh, people!; (2) the one that patronise you because for some reasons unknown to me, they feel like they are a much better person than you are because they have kids and you are this despicable human being who has no kid of your own.

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, I will tell you a story of the second type of a person; yes, this has something to do with that Oatmeal comic. Let’s go back to The Oatmeal comic, read it properly. Yes, that was a bit sarcastic but if parents can get their own way about being judgemental about other people’s choices regarding kids, why can’t we be a bit sarcastic and took a jab at them about it also?

Back to my point, RAM shared this particular comic to his Facebook and I liked it because, basically that’s how I stand on people that just patronise you about those kind of things. Little did I know, RAM’s friend comment on it. Thing is, amongst his college friends, RAM is one of the very few who are still unmarried and its possibility on having kids is still somewhat unclear, so he gets patronise a lot by his friends because of his lack of kids in tow.

This was his comment..

Screen Shot 2015-10-30 at 17.40.52

I was legit pissed when I saw this because, (1) sure, who the f says that having kid is all bad? It’s just that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and also the oatmeal comic itself is not necessarily saying that having kids is bad, it was poking fun at how people with kids seems to know what’s best for others who does not have kids yet; (2) no, no one is generalising about having kids, but probably the comic is generalising about people with kids who insist for others to also have kids; (3) err, who the f is saying that having kid is bad? It’s clearly obvious that what RAM was saying with that post is that people who force others by insisting that having kids is glorious is bad and annoying. Like, people, please keep your choice of lifestyle to yourself; (4) well, Sir, good for you if you think that having a child is the best moment of your life, but I can’t stress it enough that to each their f own; (5) again, just because you consider being called a ‘Dad’ is the best thing to happen to you, does not mean it’s the same for everyone.

I hate when people does that; they get all patronising to people because they think they are better than the others. Let me put it this way, just because you have kids, does not mean you are any better than me; just like I am in no way better than you because I don’t have a kid of my own. If anything that you are better at than me, is probably handling a kid, but it does not mean you’re a better person than me.

What I don’t get is (and this is from my personal opinion, so maybe not everyone share this belief with me), why do I get persecuted by other for my choice not to get married yet? Or for my choice to consider whether or not I would want to have kids later on in the future. Like, I don’t even persecute others for wanting to have kids all the time. I just think that being responsible of someone else’s life is a huge responsibility and I don’t think I am up for that yet, and I got judged and/or persecuted because of that? Why are you even doing that? Like that does not make any sense at all!

Ugh! So very sorry for this incredibly angsty rant. I just can’t keep it to myself already; I’m sick of this stupid judgemental people judging on my life’s choice because somehow they feel more superior than me. Okay, congratulation on having a family and kids of your own, but it should not concern you when others are not up for that challenge yet.

To. Each. Their. Fucking. Own. People.

And, I’m out! (drops mic..)

1 thought on “Don’t patronise me.”

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