Fear of the unknown

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “1984.”

Knock knock. The sound echoed back to her. Her gut is churning with an alarming instinct to not walk in the door. But the prophecy said she must enter the door, for the door holds the key to her Queen’s happiness and she would stop at nothing to get the key. And so she enter the door; the door that sealed her future of doom.

She walked out unscathed and with a victorious smile while she held the key in her right hand. No one knew that half of her happiness were left scattered in the room. She will not speak of it to anyone but her own reflection. Only she knew what had happened to her and everything she hold dear in that red room. It was not nineteen years into the future that she made peace with it and live to tell the tale.

There was gold and red scattered all over the room, I thought to myself if the other two before me had failed this room, this room must have been horrible looking. I did not know that the room was beautiful. At the corner of the room sat a woman with a green veil shadowing her face. I don’t know who she is, but I’m not afraid of her. She waves her hand in anxiousness as if to call me to come near her. So I did.

She held my hand and told me that I must go out from where I come in; that is when I noticed she was sitting next to exit and there the key of dangling. I told her I can’t go back, I am here for the key and so I shall have the key and bring it before my Queen. She shook her head slowly and said, “believe me when I said that you must return from where you came. Had you insist on taking this key and pass this door, there will be nothing but sadness awaits you.” 

I told her there is no such thing as sadness without happiness, and so I insist on her to let me pass and gave me the key. She caress my hand in hers and whisper ever so softly, “I can’t let you pass, my dear. Even with the promise of happiness in your future, sadness will befall upon you for a little glimpse of happiness. I cannot let you go through that.”

I asked her of what would awaits me outside the door if I insist on going. I knew that she would not disclose that information. She held her head high and looked straight to my eyes, or so I felt, because I can’t see anything but darkness on where her face should have been. She answered my question with a voice and a tone that felt ominous, “You will seek love and love will be given to you but consistency will be taken away from you. You will seek comfort and it will be given to you for the price of unfaithfulness. You will shower your offspring with love and they will respect you in return, but pain and uncertainties will be put upon you. You will lose all that you built but you will plant the seed of joy in a future that you will see but you shall not be able to embrace it. My dear, go back now and peace will be upon you.”

I object. More than anything, the happiness of my Queen shall trump my own happiness. I stare at the blackness of her face and held her hand firmly in my hand and said that I shall live with that future if it means my Queen will be happy. She smiled a sad smile, or so I thought, and said, “Well so be it, my dear.”

She had gone through many; the love that was never her to claim, the love that was never reciprocated in due time, and the pained realisation of a failed decision that was to hunt her forever. Her husband betrayed the love she weaves only for him. Her firstborn is confused. Her second born is slowly retreating from life. Her third born despise the family he was born into. Even her Queen is no longer present and so she asked herself, had all of this worth it? Had the key for her Queen’s happiness was worth the years of agony she put through and therefor were passed onto her offspring? She looked back at the mirror and the lady with the green veil looked back and smiled a sad smile, “It is worth everything, for your Queen died a peaceful death knowing you had had made her proud. It is worth the agony because your offspring will not be where they are right now, if not for your sacrifice. They will soon see it, and maybe it shall be too late for them, but it will come full circle. And yes, my dear, the agony was painful but you have learned and you have survived. You had came out alive, and that is all I could ever ask from you.”

Thank you, Mum, for all the sacrifice that you have given to us. I could not emphasise enough how much I respect your resilience and your unending love to us. Life has been hard and cruel to you; you have faced nothing but all the things that you are scared of in this life. The fear of the unknown is your greatest fear, but you march on anyway for a greater cause, for someone else’s happiness. It has always been someone else’s happiness when it comes to you, isn’t it? I will come home this year and I shall return everything that had been put on you into a happiness that you deserved. 

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