Hey, is this thing on?

A personal rant in response to The Daily Post writing prompt, Voice Work.

I could pretend to be a family-oriented person and go, “oh I would want me Granny to read me blog”, but that would be a complete lie. My grandmother would not survive a single sentence in my blog (except if my blog posts were written in Dutch), besides she would eventually just scream in agony and walk out of the recording room without so much as finishing one blog post.

So, who should narrate my blog, then? Top of my mind, Billy Connolly, Karl Pilkinton, and Paris Hilton!

Why Billy Connolly, though?

Have you seen the guy in interviews? He’s funny and he curse like he breathes, as in it comes second nature to him. I don’t necessarily curse much in this blog, but I would very much encourage Mr Connolly to curse as much as he wants and whenever he feels that it is necessary. I would totally download an audiobook with him narrating it, now why wouldn’t I want him to narrate my blog post. It’ll be bed time story!

Well, Karl Pilkington would not be much of a different with Billy Connolly, right?

Are you kidding me? Of course not! Mr Connolly is a Scottish man with a perfect Scottish accent. While Karl Pilkington speaks with a perfect cockney accent, which I also like, by the way. Also, Karl tends to get frustrated easily, I would like to hear him get all frustrated when he has to narrate my blog post which, let’s be honest, sometime most of the time can be very confusing. Listen to how exciting it would be if within the narration, there would be snippets of Karl Pilkington getting frustrated with my horrible writing.

Now, Paris Hilton. What is up with that?

Have you seen Paris Hilton lately? No, right? So, why not have her? Besides, I would like to see my blog post being narrated with Paris Hilton slurry speech. That’ll make something of a memorable impression.

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So, there you have it. Dear Mr Connolly, Karl Pilkington and Paris Hilton, do give this idea a try if ever you (or your management) stumble upon this blog post. It’ll make a girl happy.