Beggars can’t be choosers.

A personal rant in response to The Daily Post writing prompt, Incomplete.

Do Backstreet Boys have a song called Incomplete? Oh well, I’m just going to assume they do, because the first time I saw this prompt, I had a song that somehow reminded me of Backstreet Boys. But, hey, I’m not stealing some time off from work to talk about a Backstreet Boys’ song. As interesting as that might be, this post is not about that. So, what to talk about when it comes to incomplete? Life? Companion? My wallet’s content? Yeah, I think that would be it.

Good God, I’m turning 28 in a matter of weeks and I feel like I am not where I thought I would be, financial wise. Some wise-soul out there (did you catch me rolling my eyes? I was being sarcastic when I type this) would say that I should have work harder or probably be in another line of work if financial gain is what I’m after. But, the thing is, in my very narrowed mind, I could work as hard as I ever could and I would be exactly where I already am. Well, maybe not for some people, and maybe I could be like some other people. Now, this is where things get a bit tricky.

I have nothing. Well, not literally. But, I literally have no position of leverage. I have not enough money to bargain with anything. What I do have, is my dignity and my ego. To work twice as hard without the ability to cater to your boss would probably results in going back to square one. Nothing is improving. But, some people aren’t just meant to be caterer. Take me, for example, I can make small talks, but I can never cater to other people. Heck, I don’t even cater to my younger brother when he was sick (but this was aeons ago, when we were kids, now I try to be a bit more caring with my family members). Oh, heck where am I going with this rant?

Point is, when all I have is my dignity and ego, I should and would not shed the last remaining two for the sake of other things, say for instance monetary gain. As much as money is one tempting thing in my life, if in order to gain it, I must shed my dignity and/or my ego by kissing somebody’s ass or be a total caterer (while knowing that’s not what I’m suppose to do), I’d rather not gain any money from the process. Oh well, I think I’m missing a lot of the point here. To be completely honest (and in spite of making myself look pathetic), work incompletes me.

Not only I am less happy than before I had this job, the surrounding and the people I work with (or for, depending on how one sees it) is taking a toll of my happiness state. To made matter even worse, it’s hard to feel good about yourself when people look at you and sees you as no more than your gender. People don’t come to you for answer because you’re a woman. People don’t listen to you when you’re a woman without a position. You get overlooked a lot, and most of the time, you only get administrative work and petty things because you’re a woman and women are known to be meticulous person (and although I can be very detailed, I am not one for meticulous job). But, hey, when you’re at the bottom of the food chain, you can’t really complain much, can you?


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