A personal rant in response to The Daily Post writing prompt, Dirty.
I am now seriously thinking to have a specific categories on which I just basically complain about work. Okay, maybe not complain, more like where I dedicate a whole entire post for work (or my lack of commitment to my work). Should I be doing that? Yeah, I guess I should. ‘Tis Sunday will a be a productive Sunday, I suppose.
Okay, now that’s out there, let’s get to the juice we’re squeezing. Dirty? When do I feel dirty the most? Literally speaking, I would feel dirty the most when I haven’t even taken a shower for half a day, or I’m already out and about and I haven’t even brush my teeth (which, I never done, by the way) or probably when I’m feeling a wee bit smelly on me armpit (hence why I don’t do support). But, if we’re talking about figuratively feeling dirty the most, that would probably when I work.
Now, don’t get this wrong. I’m on a legit line of work, but the working environment is not my ideal kind of working environment (but then again, when has a working environment ever been ideal to anyone?). In my line of work, I am required to be a polite and be a just “Yes, Sir” kind of person. It’s extremely hard to voice your opinion freely. Or maybe it’s just me? I can’t speak for other people on my line of work, I can only speak on my own behalf, and this is what I get to say.
Last Thursday, we had a meeting. As per usual, I am in charge of taking notes of the meeting. By the time the meeting ends, I feel like both my bosses had understand the result differently with how I had understand it, and so I took the leap of faith to tell my boss about how I had understand the meeting and subtlety inform him that he might have understood it incorrectly. What do I get from that? A reprimand, and a piece of information that I am a junior and that there is no way I would have been the correct one here. Which is totally fine (except that I’m just still bitter). Maybe he is right, maybe I know no better. Maybe he’s the one on the right.
Come Saturday, I got an email from the person we had the meeting with last Thursday. In the said email, she was reiterating some of the points made during the meeting; of which she made the exactly same points as to my understanding. MY. UNDERSTANDING. WAS. THE. SAME. AS. SHE. WAS!!!
Okay, obviously I was figuratively performing jumping jacks because I was correct the whole time ( and I like being right), but then it dawned on me after a couple of hours had passed. Wait, is this what it feels like to just accept your bosses point of view and act all smiling as if you’re always on the wrong, just because you’re at the bottom of the food chain, and in order to keep your job intact, you accept the injustice that was bestowed upon you?
And, folks, that was when I feel (figuratively) dirty the most. I can’t believe I have succumbed to the part of being a lowlife and accept the injustice treatment because I am at the starting point of my career, simply because I am scared of displeasing my boss, because I’m afraid it would affect my career. I am angry at the fact I didn’t stand up for myself. This might have been just much too simple of an example for one to feel dirty of oneself, but this is one of the many occurrences where I let myself be stepped on and act like it don’t bother me, just so I can keep my job.
Ugh! Just thinking about it made me feel dirty. Maybe I should take a shower now.