Oh man, how do you start ranting about something that even when you tried to say it out loud, you get so frustrated at the situation and you’re left with incoherent string of sentences? I wish I’m better at this, alas, I am not. So, I’ll make do with what I have.
I told my parents about my plan to get married last Saturday. Granted that I came with solid proof plan that they can’t shook. I told them I had decided on the date and the place. I even went so far to have paid for the booking fee. I told them that I didn’t do any of this to spite them, I just don’t have the privilege of time, and therefore I have to be moving forward and fast. I thought I had made them understand, and although I’m somewhat a bit miffed because my parents couldn’t even be bothered to congratulate me, I didn’t let that get the best of me. I was all about veni, vidi vici. I was there to inform my parents of my plan to get married and the details that entailed, so I was not going to let a bit of sourpuss attitude from my parents to distract me from my cause.
My sister asked me, did the meeting really was that bad. And I told her that it was more of threading above thin ice with underlining anger as oppose to all hell break loose. But, I thought the meeting was not that bad; not good but also not bad.
Comes Monday, my parents insist on meeting with my sister. Obviously she’s freaking out. I told her, I was going to steer clear from the meeting; after Saturday’s meeting, I’m really not up for another pointless debate with my parents about the IT (oh, lest you become confuse, from here onward I will not be addressing the word wedding but opt to choose the word IT to refer to it), I told my sister I was going to go out after work and came back home after the talk (whatever the talk was about, I’m not taking any risk).
Okay, hmm, where am I going with this? TLDR; our parents went behind my back for the classic divide et impera. Our Dad was playing the “Oh-I-care-so-much-about-my-daughter’s-feeling” towards my sister. He was asking whether or not she was fine with me getting IT first, and when she insist on saying that she was perfectly fine about it, then they went for the big gun. I don’t think that my sister’s feeling was ever on the main agenda of their supposed talk with my sister; it was all for their grand scheme of getting the IT party that they want.
And, mate, this is where things just baffles me. I told them about my IT plan on Saturday, two days have passed since I told them about it, and the only thing that stuck to their brains was only the three-four hours event as oppose to my lifetime commitment to be with someone else. So, humour me, which would you consider more important; (1) someone going into a lifetime commitment with another person, creating a family of their own or (2) the proper way to throw a party to celebrate the IT that would most likely to last about three hours top?
Really, humour me with my question; which should be more important? A lifetime commitment or a three hours event? I’m about to be hitched and start a life of my own with somebody else, possibly for a lifetime, shouldn’t my parents be concerned with my decision? Shouldn’t they be asking me about whether or not I am ready? Whether or not I think I have chosen the right person? Whether or not I am committed to this? But, oh no, the old folks were much too preoccupied about the party and the fucking party alone. Damn it all to hell!
They were preaching at me about how it’s not proper about having an IT party in a hotel. Fucking hell! What’s not fucking proper about that? Get this, he was quoted as saying this to my sister that the proper way for a Father to give away his daughter is in his home. Oh bloody hell! That’s very rich coming from him, seeing that he has never been a Father to any one of us growing, and now he has the nerve to be telling me about the proper way to give away his daughter. Oh that’s rich coming from him.
Then, he went and told my sister how it is frowned upon in society if he doesn’t invite his colleagues or his other friends to the party. Pray tell!!!! He had the nerve talking about what’s frowned upon in society! Who the fuck cares? After the three hours event, not one bloody soul would care about my fucking party, the food, the dress, the song, and the what have you; but if I were to fail my marriage, pray tell if not everyone will start talking about it, and my Dad’s major concern is still the DAMNED THREE HOURS PARTY!
Sure, I don’t need to get my knickers in a twist over this. I could have just been the bigger man and let my parents get what they want. But, I’m not one to back down from a fight; especially a fight I know well damn sure I can win, and I can win this fight. I told them I’m getting married, and they can’t be happy for me, not even for a fraction of second. They couldn’t even fake it. I know I made the whole marriage thing seems like a marriage of the most convenience, and to a certain extent, it was, but it was a union nonetheless. Couldn’t they be happy for me? Couldn’t they just be a tad bit proud of me? Couldn’t they just appreciate my courage to be married? No! They couldn’t. Or they wouldn’t. Who knows?
When you’re fighting something or someone, there’s a point where you thought to yourself that you need to have your final stand. This is my final stand. I’m not planning on giving them the pleasure of getting what they want. I’m willing to compromise, though, if just they had listen to me. They’ll get to have what they want, but on my term, and if they don’t want my term, well, see if I fucking care.
Mate, not only that they couldn’t be bothered to be happy for me. The last thing my Dad said to me was, “Well, I don’t have anything else to stay. I hope your marriage last, and you won’t get a divorce, what with your way of getting married so sudden.” Wow! Subtle, Dad! If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that you just jinx me.
I’m not the best daughter any parents could have asked for, but when your parents couldn’t be happy for you and one of them jinx you, and they couldn’t be bothered to talk to you about your lifetime commitment, but can spend the entire two days concocting a plan to go behind your back in the hopes that your sister will do their bidding in getting what they want; that’s when I realise that two can play that game, Dad. You went through a lot to scheme behind my back, when you could have used the two days to try and talk to me like a proper adult and try to see thing on the same level; well, Dad, you may think you’re smarter than me, but I’m more observant, and the observant one is the one coming out as the winner.
What infuriates me the most is that, what seems to be on everyone’s mind is the party and not the marriage itself. How is it that the party (a three hours event, of which no one is going to remember again) is much more important than the marriage? How is it people are willing to scream at the top of their lungs over what’s the proper way to have the party and not give a pep talk about the person going into the marriage? Why? Prestige, that’s why. Well, Prestige can shove it up his/her arse, because I couldn’t give two fucks about prestige. I didn’t get married for prestige, so I’ll be damned if I let my parents get the prestigious fucking frivolous completely incredulous party that they want. It’s an embarrassment and a blow to my dignity and ego. So, no, thank you.
I don’t know if anything I’ve typed made any sense. I’m just frustrated and there’s the urgent need to let it out before the fire dies and I’m only left with anger and no way of letting it out. I knew that marriage was going to be complicated, I just didn’t expect that the party is the thing that’s going to get everyone’s knicker in a twist.