things you may not want to know but i'm telling you anyway

A family saying about family.

There’s a saying in my family about family. It goes along this line (it sounded funnier in Bahasa Indonesia), “family, they smell like flowers when they’re faraway, they smell like shit when they’re close by.”

I would like to think that we all have that one relative that is just such an oddball (a nicer term to call someone that is a total shitwaste of matter) that you can’t help but dodge them anytime you’re sharing the same space. And, maybe I do have one too. Problem with that is the fact that I think that almost, if not all, of my family members are oddballs.

Okay, I may be a tad bit exaggerating. Maybe they’re not all bad. Maybe I’m the one who has zero tolerance for people’s stupidity. But, see, back to the saying above; my family could be such a sweetheart, if there are hundreds of miles between us. The moment we share the same space, it’s a matter of time before I decided to be an honest girl scout and sprout shit out of my mouth that could turned fresh milk to curdled milk, faster than you can shit when you have diarrhoea.

Imagine this. You mother just told a relative that you’re getting married soon. And their initial reaction was, “Great, when am I getting the dress for the family member?” And when your mother answered, “Oh there won’t be special dresses for the family members,” the said relative went, “Oh but why? This is a wedding, no?”

Imagine that, the prick couldn’t even look at me and be decent for a mere second and congratulate me first (like what a decent human being would) before asking for something from me. How dare her? Such audacity she is showing to me right now! Now imagine these kinds of reactions to almost all social interactions in a family gathering. No politeness. No decent socially acceptable comments. Not even a tiny prick of pretend to care about your life, before asking for something from you.

The nerve to be asking for something for free from me, when you couldn’t even be bothered to pretend like you care about my life. Not to mention family members who can’t even be bothered to appreciate your brain when you’re in an argument. They always settle arguments with, “Oh it’s not appropriate,” “But, it wouldn’t look good,” “I don’t think it will look good if our neighbour see that.” Come the fucking on! I didn’t went to school just to get that thrown at me as an argument for something we can’t agree on.

Oh here’s another thing worth thinking about! Imagine your family member thinking that you’re gay, so obviously you’ll be the least likely to ever get married; when you are getting married, they are so beyond shocked, they thought the best way to celebrate (the term is used very lightly here) it is by parading the straightness out of you lion king style that sort of scream, “Look! Look! She’s not gay!!!”

So, yeah, family, take note. For the sake of our sanity and cordial relationship, do maintain a certain amount of distances between us. For reference, imagine I’m still living in Korea and y’all live in Jakarta. Right? Okay. Bye.

cheers

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2 thoughts on “A family saying about family.”

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