A/N: I know, I know this was not published on Friday, but honestly I was swamped back on Friday so this only got posted today. Cut me some slack
Subject: THIS JOB WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME!!!!1!!
Good God! I swear this job screams bloody murder! I woke up and first thing on my mind, I’m going to murder that doorman this morning! What rights were given to him to be so cheerful at 7 in the morning? I knew it! People that are too bloody cheerful way too early in the morning is not to be trusted! What? Is he chucking bottles of energy drinks to be that cheerful?
Then I got in this bus, yeah? Next thing on my mind? I’m going to bludgeoned this fat ass bus driver! What the hell is he taking to made him whistle tunes during traffic?? No, seriously, what?? I mean, I’m just sitting there and I can’t help but feeling like I would just gouge my eyeballs out so I can just close my eyes, or lack thereof, and just sleep. Goodbye work! Whatever! It was nice while it lasts.
Right. Yeah. You’re still with me, right? Then I got off the bus, got me a cup of coffee and I swear I would just throw the damn hot coffee to that stupidly cheerful barista for telling me to “have a good day”. Who the hell she think she is to tell me to have a good day. Up yours, pink-haired and overly cheerful barista! What does she knows about having a good day? It’s not like she has to answer to an arse as a boss.
Oh, bloody hell! Don’t get me fucking started with bosses! I swear God must have spent a little bit too much of that arrogant ingredient when He created people with Boss Material! Seriously, you have got to be an arse to be a boss. There’s no way a goody goody person can ever be a boss. I mean, look at you! You’re super nice and chill, and what do we do every day? Hustle and grind over mind-numbing work just so we can pay our bills!
Oh oh! And then the lame small talk!
“Ooh what did you do last weekend?” What do you care? You’re only asking because you want to wave your damn new engagement ring, right?
“Ugh did you see the news last night?” No, you bloody oaf! Because I live in a cave! Of course I bloody saw the news.
“Oh my God. Cute jacket!” Yeah right, literally the same jacket I wore for the past few months. One you’ve been complimenting every other week.
Stop with the small talk, please!! Nobody cares!!!! Aaaagggghhhhh……….
Look at that stupid plastered smile and fake laughter! Ugh! Can’t we all just be honest and scream at the top of our lung about how this job is pointless?? Even my pencil has more points than doing this job! Gosh! I can’t wait for lunch break to come. You better not be in those endless meetings and skip lunch! I am going on a tirade on lunch!
I bloody hate this job! It is so not fulfilling!
“Damn it! Why won’t this email go? Bloody hell!
Oh, yeah, forgot to put Ally’s email. Let me check.. A.. L.. L.. Ah there it is! Allison Hammond! Done! Sent!”
<sent at 10.23>
Allison Hammond! You better be replying my email right now, or so help me God, I will murder you in your sleep!
<sent at 10.23>
What email? I’ve been typing reports for the regional team tomorrow. Did you know that they’re flying out tomorrow? For a “special meeting” with the agencies. Pfft, we all know those special meetings are just lame excuses for a vacation.
<sent at 10.24>
The bloody tirade that I sent you! Geez! Keep up! Also, we’re having lunch together. I ain’t done with my tirade! What? But the team just came from Boracay!
<sent at 10.26>
Shit! Molls! Did you send your fucking tirade to everyone?
<sent at 10.26>
What the fuck are you on about? I’m angry, not bloody stupid!
<sent at 10.29>
Nuh uh! Check your sent item, mate.
<sent at 10.37>
Fucking hell!!!!! I fucking click send to ALL instead of your name!! FUCKKKKK!!!1!!!!!1!!!
To: All division.
Subject: Office counseling.
Did I surprise you with the previous email? Have you ever felt like that before? Feeling angry all the time? Feeling useless? Feeling stressed out?
Well, worry not for the office is now assembling competent team of counsels to help you figure out your problem and stress. Be on the look out when our Office Counseling Centre is launch sometime in the next few months.
Here at our Office Counseling Centre, everyone is encouraged to come forward when one feels stressed out from work, or is having personal problems. Even when you don’t even feel like you have problems that occupy your mind, you are always welcome to see the counsels at the centre to have a chat. Do remember that the centre is open during normal working hours.
Not to worry, our counsels are also trained professionals and they are reachable during our working hours also. Until then, don’t be stressed out and keep your anger by yourself. Talk to a friend and have a discussion with your boss if the work gets too much to handle.
NB. To keep yourself updated on the progress of our counseling centre, keep tabs of our notice board. I will also be sending emails on the progress.
Molly Hanson (Head of HR)
<sent at 12.11>
Nice save, Molls! How did you do that?
<sent at 12.13>
Went and barge in to Karl’s office. Obviously, the man is too lazy to check emails, so I figured he must have not read my tirade. Went on a rant on the importance and the need to have a counseling centre for all employees.
<sent at 12.13>
Did he bought it? How did you convince him?
<sent at 12.14>
Of course the bloody cheapskate doesn’t bought it. He said it’s such a waste of time, and honestly I was already zoning him out of my head. My goal was to save my arse, and so I start saying that happy employees equal profits because no one is stressed out so everyone can be more creative and yadda yadda.
<sent at 12.15>
Bloody hell. And he bought it?
<sent at 12.16>
Eventually! So now I really have to get working on recruiting the counsels and whatever. But, at least I’m save! Lol!
Jakarta, 10 January 2017