February: in retrospect

To call February a month of whirlwind of emotion would be an understatement, nevertheless it has been one. I got so caught up in everything that when reality seeps in and just knock down my doors, I was so surprised that my first instinct was to just shut down and hope everything would blow over. A lot has happened in the shortest month of the year, more than I thought it could be possible in just 28 days!

Abuja was challenging, but it’s nothing that an internet connection couldn’t fix.

When RAM was told to move to Abuja, we were beyond excited. At the same time, we also knew that life in Abuja was not going to be easy; we barely knew anybody apart from people at RAM’s workplace and we were kept on being told to always be careful of our surrounding. I thought I was going to be able to explore Abuja, alas it was not to be the case for I am only allowed outside if I have a driver who can drive me around to places, and yet a driver is a privilege I do not have.

The first few days in Abuja was hard, I was bored out of my life; with nothing to do and no friends to hang out with (what with the six hours time difference with Indonesia), RAM and I ended up fighting for petty reasons. We were both on edge, RAM about finding an apartment for us so I could have something to do, I’m on edge because there’s literally nothing I can do apart from reading a book (and at some point it even became an activity I dread).

But, I refused to have my days in Abuja be dictated by my foul mood. I demand a change in my routine. I may be spending my days in my small hotel room, but if one looks closely surely there’s something worth noticing.

I start spending my days taking notes of the many unique things I’ve seen in Abuja, I’m surprised to see I had 10 things already in my notes.

The next couple of days, I spent writing it down to be published on my blog. When the post was finished, I felt like the wind had shift its direction and I knew things are just going to get better from now on.

I went to the one of the biggest open market in Abuja, Wuse Market. I tried Suya, a popular food item in West Africa, and I’m practically obsessed with it. I went to Millennium Park for a morning stroll and had one of the grandest time while in Abuja. Stop by to the Art’s Village and saw some arts and crafts from Nigeria.

It’s weird to think that maybe we aren’t bigger than life, I was sure beyond reasoning that I am in control of my destiny and life. And while it is quite like that, when life actually goes the way you wanted it to be, you start to notice the small things you overlooked the first time, and realised that it was never small to begin with.

I thought travelling the world without my best mate, RAM, was something I could handle. I refused to be tied down and settle for something less for RAM, because to me it feels like I’m putting myself second to him and I am my own person, married or not. So, I crossed my fingers and I pray day and night so I could go to South America. But, when the dice was cast and the numbers are out, all I feel is fear and despair.

RAM told me that I was going to be transferred to Bogota, Colombia. He was excited for me. I wanted to be excited for myself. I should have been. I wanted to go there. But, the excitement never came. The wave of sadness and fear overtook me. Questions hit me on the face, point-blank.

I don’t even bother myself trying to know how far Bogota was from Jakarta. I was too struck by the sheer realisation that RAM was going to be in Abuja, and I’m in Bogota with six hours time difference. RAM said that it won’t be as bad as I thought it would, we have been separated before (Tunis-Johor Bahru, Seoul-Jakarta, another Seoul-Jakarta, Abuja- Jakarta), we have plenty of exercise for Abuja-Bogota.

I realised, a bit too late, that it was a challenge I was not willing to participate.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am beyond grateful about having the chance to go to Bogota (I still am grateful and part excited), but I’m scared, and I’m allowed to be scared, right? I’m scared for the more-than-one-day-worth-of-travels to reach Bogota from Jakarta, I’m scared for the new challenges of work, I’m scared for the change of weather and lifestyle, but most of all I’m scared of being apart and far away from RAM.

Turns out, I’m just your regular next door neighbour Jane Doe.

So, between adapting to life in Abuja and preparing myself to go back to Jakarta soon, whilst counting down the days to moving to Bogota (I won’t be moving until sometime in August, so brace yourself as it gets nearer I may be ranting a lot more), February surely have been a whirlwind of emotion kind of month for me.

A lot of travelling will take place. Tears will be shed. Loneliness will be the dear new company. And yet, life just keeps on moving without a chance of it slowing down.

Here’s to those married couples living far from each other!



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