Measuring the immeasurable


How do you know that someone cares for you?

That someone loves you to the moon and back, or so the saying goes?

That someone would catch a grenade for you? Or maybe only Bruno would do that for you?

Do you have some sort of note where you can measure in numbers to tell you that this particular person cares for you, and the other person doesn’t because their number just is not enough?

Do you have some sort of guidelines with clear cut definition on what is it that someone must do for them to be understood as caring and loving towards you? Maybe you do. Maybe you don’t.

But, can love and caring be measured? I don’t know.

I have some sort of definition in my head on which I refer to when I think of the people I know. There are those that I think caring and loving, and then there are those that I would label “proceed with caution” whenever I met them.

How do you know that someone cares for you? Is it through the fact that they are always a phone call away anytime you need them to? That’s a bit selfish, innit? Other people have lives and responsibilities too, other than answering to your demands. So, just because someone didn’t pick up your midnight phone call because you felt like crying due to watching Love Actually for the umpteenth time makes the other person not caring towards you? Of course no is the answer to that. I think.

How do you know that someone doesn’t care for you? Is it because they are honest and open with their words when you come to them with a problem? As opposed to patting you on the back and speak soothing words, but not necessarily helpful anyway? Neither are bad, and to some extent one can be better than the others, but just because someone else chose to do the former than the latter to you does not make them less caring towards you if they had chosen to do the latter towards you, right? I hope I’m right.

Just like my previous posts, I really don’t know where I’m going with this.

A couple of days ago someone I know came up and was telling me a story. In the story, she told me how disappointed she was that her friend seems to not be caring enough of her current predicament, whilst her other friend was very sweet and caring. She felt disappointed because friend A seems to be cold, distant and came off as unhelpful, whilst friend B was caring, motherly, and helpful.

Do you know what I think?

I think my friend the storyteller was being unfair.

I know it’s frustrating when you come to someone for help on your current predicament and to have them bitch slap you with the truths, when all you ever want was to be held and be sooth talked that everything will be as it should be. But, to be completely fair, it’s not like friend A wasn’t helpful; she was just being who she is. Why would my friend the storyteller held friend A’s personality at fault, just because she didn’t get the reaction that she wants? They were friends for years, shouldn’t she know friend A’s personality at this point?

To point at people that you knew and gave out verdict that A is caring, B is loving, C is a bitch, D is a fake ass ho, etc. just because they didn’t fit your mould of what caring means is just fucked up. Sure, I can go around and tell if this person is an asshole, or a good for nothing prick, but not because they weren’t sweet to me when I came to them with my problems, but simply because they’re assholes that I’m not even friends nor do I want to be friends with.

When it comes to the people you are close with, be it your friends, your partner, your best friends, etc. I don’t think there is supposed to be a benchmark or a ruler or a measuring cup that you can use to know whether or not this person is caring or loving enough.

Some people go out of their way telling people that love cannot be measured, cannot be defined; love can only be felt. Maybe. I don’t know. What I do know is that it would be very sinister to measure the love you received from those who love you and you made a rank based on it. For all we know, those who said they love and they care for us felt those feelings genuinely, why the fuck would you measure it and hold it against them if it doesn’t fit your mould? If you feel like you deserve more than what you’re getting, either go and get it or find someone else who can give you the love you think you deserve, don’t hold it against them for being who they are if you think you deserve more. You are the only one responsible for your own happiness and sadness and whatever crap that life throws at you.

To make it less confusing than it already is, I wholeheartedly believe there are things that can’t be measured, one of those things is love; any kind of love is immeasurable. And I’m just pissed that my friend the storyteller was trying to measure the love she’s getting that I decided to write this post that ends up being everything and nothing at the same time.


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