August: in retrospect

August was definitely like a blur. I know I’ve used the term ‘blur’ quite a number of times, but I think August fits the bill as being the month that is a blur to me.

I feel like I have travelled halfway across the world..

..and maybe I did. One day I woke up in the basking sweat of Jakarta. The next time I went to sleep, I woke up to the sunny and intimidating sun of Amsterdam. The next time I went to sleep again, I woke up to the chilly and sunless sky of Bogota. How do you collect the scattering thoughts you have and compile it into one single post when I still can’t comprehend that I am now halfway across the world from all things familiar?

I feel homesick but I am technically homeless..

..much like where I was back in the beginning of 2017. I was in Abuja feeling homesick but I am homeless. Cut to August, and I am back to square one. I had missed my home and I am homeless. How am I suppose to pour down what I feel when I am overcome with thoughts of missing my home?

I feel alone in a sea of smiles..

..and whilst it sounded like what a teenage girl would write, it is indeed what I’ve felt for the better part of August. Day in and day out, I’ve passed it with a smile that is so strain that by the end of the day, I feel like I have pulled a muscle on my face. I was smiling when my heart felt so alone and isolated. How do I write about these lonesome feelings, when I have to be strong the next day?

I feel lost..

..and indeed I am lost. I questioned everything that had happened, that is happening, and that will happen. Was it everything I had hoped for? Was it everything I had planned for? Who can say for sure?

I feel like 35 months is a long way to go.

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