The things I don’t understand about having a job.

One of the definition for job that I found in Merriam Webster was, a regular remunerative position, or a specific duty, role, or function. Whilst one of the definition for career that I found in Merriam Webster was, a field for or pursuit of consecutive progressive achievement especially in public, professional, or business life. That being said, is job and career one and the same? I genuinely think it’s not, but often times people use the words interchangeably. I am guilty of this mistake too, one too many times.

I have a job, but do I automatically have a career? I don’t know.

Flashback to several years ago, I said that I don’t want my job to define who I am. Who I am as a human being is not the same as who I am when I am doing my job, that much is the same for my career. Whatever career that I am building up right now shall not define who I am. But, sometimes it gets hard to distinguish who you are amongst the three.

I have a job because I oddly believes that it is what is expected of me, also I need to pay the bills.

I tried nailing the best job I could find. And by best, I meant the kind of job that requires less drama but pays quite nicely. I’m not sure if my job falls into that category, but after devoting six years of my life in that line of work, it’s kinda hard to want to play with fire and try to find another job. Call me a coward, but I ain’t playing with my bank account just for the sake of living outside of my comfort zones.

Do I have to change who I am, what I like, what I hate, the way I talk, the way I dress because of my job?

I certainly don’t think so, but somehow there are moments where I am not who I am and I pretend to be a completely different person, just so I can save my own ass, by extension saving my job so as not to get fired or be in some kind of pickle.

Why?

I don’t know. It was like an instinct. Like when your gut feeling is telling you to not walk alone in the dark. It’s an instant thing, I don’t even have a second to think about how hypocritical of me to fake niceties with people I couldn’t even stand given a different situation.

But most of all, what I don’t understand is, to what extent do I have to do something to be considered that it is a part of doing my job?

There are moments where I asked myself, am I doing my job when I’m doing this? Is this even part of my job description? And if it’s not, why the fuck am I doing this?

Oh right, because if I don’t do it, I’ll be taken as going against the boss’ order.


Why do I even have job if I’m so miserable? I don’t even care about career. I’m only doing this for the money, but how pathetic is it to be controlled by money that I sometimes am willing to be insulted and abused in the name of doing-my-job? Man, I wish I had answers to these questions, because then maybe I would be brave enough to say that enough is enough and walk away from it all without regrets.

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