Ah you know what? It’s been days (DAYS, I tell you) since I last post a rant in this blog. As much as I have enjoyed writing book reviews and monthly updates about my life, by the very nature of my own existence, I’m a serial complainer who loves to rant. That being said, I do feel like I need to throw in a ranting post into the mix. But, then the question arise, what should I be ranting about?
Why, of course, why don’t I rant about my childless marriage?
Why? Must we? Aren’t you bored already? We all get it, you don’t want kids, dilchh.
Oh yeah, I heard you alright. But, hold up, let me explain the reasoning behind the writing of this post. This morning (on my part of the world) I was gossiping away in the group chat with my uni friends about a local celebrity who campaigns about raising your kids naturally (whatever that means). A lot of people hates the way this local celebrity simplifies raising a child in this world. I went into the rabbit hole of going through one particular IG account that exposes her lies and her laziness. Boy, that takes commitment, I tell you.
I can tell you I’m just glad I have no kids. Right, not the point. Moving along.
I remembered an aunt of mine who is not married and has no children of her own. She told me that she considers my siblings and I as her next of kin, so should anything happened to her, she would want to give everything she has for me. Which made me think about my own self. I once told my sister to go and get married and have kid(s), because I would also need a next of kin for which I will give my will to.
Let’s get real here, I don’t think neither my brother nor me would produce our offspring anyway, so the likelihood of that happening is zero. The closest one would be my sister. Okay, I’m rambling now. Anyway, when I got to work today, I saw this on BuzzFeed, Things People Without Children Are Very, Very Tired Of Hearing. Safe to say I read 24 of those things and honestly I’ve had most if not all 24 of those things thrown at me. And that is why, I will do commentary as if this was said to me.
See? Not all of my rants aren’t fun. Sometimes I can be fun too.
So, without further ado, here’s my rant. Also, do stop by here for my very first rant about not wanting to have kids. #ShamelessPromotion
“You’ll change your mind.”
Maybe yes, maybe not. That being said, I am not changing my mind at this very moment as you so nicely try to predict about my future. No thank you. Please keep you psychic ability to yourself.
“Imagine if your parents didn’t want you?”
Regardless of whether not my parents want me, they have raised me, sheltered me, feed me, clothe me, and put me through school. And honestly though, what does the correlation between my parents not wanting me with me consciously not wanting to have a mini me?
“There’s still time.”
Yeah this one is just frustrating to the core. Do people actually think I do not want kids simply because I’m old? I mean, sure yeah it’s partly because I’m old, but not because I think I’m too old to give birth. It’s that I’m too old to have to deal with a human being that practically can’t do shit for themselves for the next decades of my life. Yep, that’s a hard no from me.
“Kids give meaning to life.”
Oh wow, thanks for low-key saying my life is meaningless because I’m childless. Wow, not insulting whatsoever. Except that it is bloody insulting. I’m sorry that your life only has meaning through having kids, but, boy, we have different standards over here.
“Having children is the BEST decision I ever made.”
Well, congrats to you, bro. But the BEST decision I ever made was to acknowledge and accept that kids aren’t for me. So, you do you, k?
“Don’t you want someone to carry your family lineage?”
Honestly? Nope. Kinda sad that I’d probably didn’t continue my Grandma’s awesomeness, but what does continuing family lineage even means anyway? It’s not like I’m the heir to some kingdom or something.
“I didn’t know who I was until I had kids.”
Wow, I can’t even begin to tell you how sad that sounded to me. I mean, sure, who really know who they are, anyway, right? But, really though? You need a crying machine to know who you are? Wow. I’m baffled.
“Hasn’t your biological clock started ticking?”
Yeah, I think, and Imma wait it out until it kills itself.
“You don’t have much time left, don’t wait too long!”
I also probably don’t have much time life to help end poverty, counter global warming, and cure cancer, but I don’t see you pushing me to contribute something to those causes.
“I wish I could sleep in, I just can’t now that I’m a parent!!!”
Well guess what, mate? I sleep in anytime weekends roll around. I travel to anywhere I want so long as I have money. I can go anywhere my heart pleases. And if you’re a bitter bitch about my comfortable life, why do you think I’m still not a parent at 30 yo?
“You’d be such a great parent, though!”
Oh, stop it you. I know that. Elvis knows that. Joplin knows that. Pipichan knows that. Timmy knows that. Literally over a dozen of my cats know that! I am a great parent! Thank you.
“Who is going to take care of you when you’re older?”
Uhm, are you even serious? So you’re just going to pop out kids because you need a free nurse to take care of you when you’re older? I can’t even begin to tell you how fucked up that is. Wait, I actually can, but it’s going to take more than 1000 words, so imma just pretend I didn’t hear you say that.
“You’re missing out on the best part of life!!!!!!”
Which part? The part that my body bloat like a puffer fish for nine months? The part when my vagina burst open? The part when my nipples are chapped? The part when I’ll lose my sleep because the baby needs feeding and it can’t wait until the sun rise? The part when I have to wipe shit off of the baby’s ass? Wow so many parts I can’t even choose!
“I said the same thing when I was your age, you’ll get over it.”
Uh okay? Can’t wait until I turn into a judgemental prick like you. Looking forward to it.
“Being a parent will teach you to be less selfish.”
But, wait, why can’t I just still be selfish and not have to sacrifice my happiness for another human being? I mean, I have siblings, so I pretty much already understand the concept of sharing, so I’m not too keen to keep on sharing for the rest of my remaining life.
“I found an article that might change your mind.”
And I’m going to find the thumbs up emoji to send to you so that you’ll think I read the article and that you have successfully changed my mind, because I am so gullible that an article is enough to change my long held opinion on something. Sure, whatever sprinkles your doughnuts, mate.
“The bible says women should have children.”
I don’t know about the bible, but I had someone recite a hadith to me about the purpose of two people got married is to have children and I’m like, nope nope nope, and oh did I mention nope?
“Being a mother is a woman’s purpose.”
And being the selfish prick that I am, I’m going to go ahead and consider my purpose is to not have kids and/or be a mother. I’m pretty content with this life’s purpose, mind you.
“Your body was biologically made for this.”
And my fist was biologically made to punch a know it all like, but I’m not gonna do that because hurting someone else, however appropriate that is, is frowned upon. Much like poking your nose into people’s life with your unsolicited advice, yanno? But, hey, we can’t both be smart now, can we? I’ll take the role of the smarter one here.
“What does your significant other think about that?”
He thinks that Gundam is fascinating and if he were to have kids, he’s gonna have to say goodbye to those Gundam, and clearly he loves his Gundam than his non-existent kid. Welp, tough luck, eh?
“You don’t want to make your partner miss out on parenthood do you?”
He and I are much more concerned about missing out on the good life if we were to have kids, so your question is a moot point.
“Maybe if you’re around children more you’ll see what’s so great about having them.”
Oh my dear God! Why do you think I do not want one in the first place? It’s because I don’t think they are great. I mean, sure, your kids are the apple of your eyes or whatever, but I’m going to have to pass on that.
“Some people just aren’t meant to be parents, I guess.”
Yep, you got that right. I’m one of those people. Now, can you stop breathing down my neck about procreating?
“You’ll regret it.”
And I’ll be sure to send you a bouquet of flower and a card saying that, “I’m sorry you’re so bitter that you try to make me feel bad about things that made me happy and have no consequences whatsoever to you.”