Birthdays & .dilchh — of music and musings.

Guys, my extremely cool husband wrote this post for my birthday. The fact that I get to troll my parents on my birthday is already amazing and one of the greatest gift I gave myself for turning 30 this year, but then my husband also wrote this piece? It is freakishly amazing, I tell you that!

He only started blogging these past few months, but I can assure you he’s a great writer. He used to write stuffs on his Tumblr about all the places he’s been and how it shapes him. Just take my word, okay?

I only have fragments of memories when it comes to birthday celebrations during my childhood. The first – and last – big birthday celebration I had was when I turned 7 years old. I remember that it was legit the only proper birthday party I ever had, complete with birthday cakes, candle-blowing, making wishes, all […]

via Birthdays & .dilchh — of music and musings.

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genie.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Do you ever hate someone so much, you literally wish they could just die, right there and there?

Yikes, you don’t want to be wishing someone’s demise.

🤦🏻‍♀️ Why wouldn’t I? If I hate them so much, I really wouldn’t be crying when they’re gone.

So, presumably we encounter a genie right now, and the genie asked you for a wish, you would wish for someone’s demise? And this someone is someone that you hate?

🤦🏻‍♀️ Well.. maybe? Depends on how many wishes I get. If I only get one, then I’d probably be wishing for something else.

You’re seriously thinking to wish someone’s demise?

🤦🏻‍♀️ Damn it. It’s not like it’s a surprising thing. It’s not like I wished for my worst enemy to win the lottery. That, my dear, would be surprising.

Yeah, also unlikely to happen.

🤦🏻‍♀️ As unlikely as we would encounter a genie, I suppose.

Do you really would ask for someone’s demise if you met a genie, though? For real?

🤦🏻‍♀️ Of course not, because let’s get real here. If ever I met a genie, and surely no real genie would look like that genie from Aladdin, I would have runaway because that surely is too scary for my fragile heart.

Okay, let’s assume the genie is like the one in Aladdin, would you still be asking for that?

🤦🏻‍♀️ Why are you so hung up on that? I don’t know, but I am considering the possibility of that. Assuming the genie is not going to judge me for my wish, and there are no spillover from my wish, then maybe, emphasis on the maybe, I would wish for someone’s demise.

Why?

🤦🏻‍♀️ Because I’m only human? And I am not immune to the prospect of vengeance with no repercussion.

I am incredibly glad we haven’t met a genie yet, because I shudder imagining what you would have done. I really do.


A conversation with oneself in response to the Daily Post writing prompt, genie.

fret.

😒 Man I can’t believe we’re 30 now. I honestly felt ancient. Like I can totally rock a walking cane right now.

Yeah, and life’s not gonna get any better than this, I tell you that much.

😒 Ah here we go again. Something you would like to complain about?

Do you ever wonder why we’re here? You know, living in this world. For what?

😒 To be miserable and die.

Seriously!

😒 I am being serious. What else would be the reason? We’re definitely not gonna win Nobel or Pulitzer. We, however, will be so miserable courtesy to all the wrong choices we made in life because we thought we knew better and then one day all the air will leave our body, and we’ll decomposed six feet under.

There’s gotta be more than just be miserable, right?

😒 What do you have in mind? All there is to it in our life is just fretting each day until we thought there’s nothing left to fret about, and that my friend is when we die.

Fret? I got nothing to fret about.

😒 Now, now, you’re just lying, to yourself no less. We all fret. We worry about almost everything there is in life. From early in our age, we’re already taught to fret, to worry, to be scared of something.

But, why?

😒 Heck if I know. All I remember is growing up I fret about making friends, because if I’m not making friends then there’s something wrong with me, when maybe all I ever want was to be friends with a selective number of people. Then I fret about will I go to a good school, as if if I can’t it means I’m not good enough as a person.  Then when getting myself a job, I fret about if I’m doing enough to save my own ass from the wrath of the bosses.

Shit, you’re right. I’ve spent the better part of my life just fretting.

😒 Well, that’s why I try to spent my days, as much as it is allowed, to just sort of let bygone be bygone. Or at least I tried. Look, you can’t please everyone, and it is not your job to be everything to everyone. Sure, life can and most of the times always a bitch, but vent it out, mate. Go watch videos of cats or dogs, and you’ll feel some warmth inside your heart spreading out and you couldn’t be bothered to fret about anything anymore.

Seems easy.

😒 I think that life’s not that hard. We made it hard for ourselves, what with the constant fretting about, worrying about all the catastrophic and borderline impossible what ifs scenarios. I learnt it the hard way. I spent days and days just cursing at life and fretting what if I messed up, you know? Guess what? Nobody cares that you’re struggling with your personal hell. You’re fighting a constant battle that you create yourself, and for what? For nothing. I still curse at life, it’s easier to have a target to hate anyway, but I try to tell myself that at the end of everyday I am the only person who gets to define who I am as a person. No point in worrying what other people think. It’s easier said and done, but it’s doable.

Wait, are we being wise, just now?

😒 N’ah, I wouldn’t go so far as thinking that we’re wise, but I have reached the point that I am so done with life. I’ve seen what life will be like if I go down the same road as most people do. I’ll look like I’m content but deep down I am dying inside. I don’t want that for me. I just want to find the point at which point I can genuinely said that this is all enough, that I am content, and that anything more than this will tip off the balance that I have.

Do you feel content?

😒 Surprisingly, I do feel content. Not in general, because obviously there are a lot of aspects I wish to just kick it in the bucket. But, I feel enough. Like I don’t feel I need to be more than this. This is enough. This is good enough for me.

Because?

😒 Because a number of reasons. Top of my mind, because I don’t have it in me to push further for things that I’m not even sure I want. I want a life in my own right and I have it. So that’s enough.

But, what’s enough?

😒 Oh man, who’s to say for sure? Don’t fret about it, okay? Let bygone be bygone.


A conversation with oneself in response to the Daily Post prompt, fret.

Yesterday was Friday the 13th, and I am the devil incarnate

Happy birthday to yours truly. I have reached peak adulthood (although I don’t feel close to being one, what else is new, right?). The big 3-0 is peak adulthood, because now that you’re 30 you don’t get to do stupid shit and get away with it like in your 20s. No, Sire, you will be held accountable, if not by society then by your own personal moral compass. After the 30s, comes the 40s where everything is just shit, especially if you’re a woman.

Well, hello there menopause. What was it that you say? I will not have my periods anymore? Oh well cheers, then! Wait, what? I must go through night sweats, hot flashes, trouble sleeping, moodiness, and be forgetful, just to name a few? Fuck you, menopause, and periods for that matter.

And don’t even get me started on being in your 50s, well because I don’t know.

Either way, I have hit the big 3-0 and all those heebie-jeebies sort of evaporated. It’s not to say I know what to do about my life like a good normal 30 year olds would be, but now I really don’t care (or at least, I try to care less).

You ain’t got your own house in your 30s? Fuck if I care.

You ain’t got no bajillion savings in your bank account after almost a decade being in the workforce? Fuck if I care.

Look, point is, there are a lot of things that’ll fuck me up big time if things don’t go right (according to society’s standards) for me. I could spend what little time I have left in this world worrying about it. I know this sounds naive, but I honestly am trying to just be content with I have and where I am today. Sure, there are lots of shitty things happening, but I could be the richest person alive and there’s always going to be at least one thing that is so shitty, it’ll fuck up my entire day. So, that’s fine. Life is supposed to fuck you up, big or small, depending on your karma, I presume.

Okay, that being said, this year’s turning of age is so bizarre. Years before, a month leading to my birthday I would have things prepared, from what I would and probably would not be doing, down to whose face I’m willing and not willing to see on my big day. This year, none of that occurs. Well, we can collectively blame it all on work and how it sucks. Without going to intimate details on why work is particularly suck this time of the year, I have reached the state of I-really-don’t-give-two-fucks and I’m curious what other shitty stuff the universe is going to throw at me to ruin my birthday now that I honestly have given up.

And this year I am turning 30 ffs! It’s a feat of its own that I really have given up altogether.

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I tried L’Occitane Aromachologie Sublime Repairing Oil

The second attempt at putting random sample products! This time it’s for my hair. Those who knew me, know that my hair is hopeless. It is what I called a baby’s hair. It is so thin that no amount of gel or hair spray can keep its original form when the wind blows (actually I don’t know, never really tried it). Also, my original hair colour is a  of sad attempt at auburn. Note that I said a sad attempt, because it is sad, because where auburn hair is gorgeous, mine just look like I’ve been spending too much time under the sun, and well actually the colour itself only shows up when I am under the sun or under a bright light. Most days it looks like a dull black.

Okay, that aside, my hair falls out like crazy. I have been supporting a bald patch since high school. On my third year of Uni I decided to chop my hair into a pixie look and I have been having pixie cut (or some variations of it) since a decade ago. There’s nothing to be done for my hair, it is so thin and wispy, and it falls out a lot! That being said, I still like to try hair products, only to see if it actually does anything for my hair. So, when I got the sample for L’Occitane Aromachologie Sublime Repairing Oil (ASRO), I honestly wasn’t expecting much. My hair is quite oily, the idea of putting extra oil on it is just a big no-no.

But, hey, remember what I said about there’s always a first for every free things I can get my hands on?

Besides, it’s just a sample, at most it can only last for up to two days, so there’s no harm in trying, right?

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