Rambling about books

Book review: Ten Women, by Marcela Serrano

Book cover from Goodreads

Rating:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Title: Ten Women

Author: Marcela Serrano (translated by Beth Fowler)

Genre: Contemporary, Fiction, Literary Fiction

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Rambling about books

Book review: The Pharmacist of Auschwitz: The Untold Story, by Patricia Posner

Book cover from Goodreads

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆☆

Title: The Pharmacist of Auschwitz: The Untold Story

Author: Patricia Posner

Genre: History, Non fiction

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Rambling about books

Book review: Bad Blood: Secret and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup, by John Carreyrou

Book cover from Goodreads

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Title: Bad Blood: Secret and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup

Author: John Carreyrou

Genre: Mystery, Non fiction, True crime

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Rambling about books

Book review: Black Klansman: Race, Hate, and the Undercover Investigation of a Lifetime, by Ron Stallworth

Book cover from Goodreads

Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️☆☆

Title: Black Klansman: Race, Hate, and the Undercover Investigation of a Lifetime

Author: Ron Stallworth

Genre: Biography, History, Non Fiction

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things you may not want to know but I'm telling you anyway

Adiós Bogotá.

I first came to Bogotá, Colombia, on 6 August 2017. I think it was a start of my bad trip for the next three years. I was supposed to leave Bogotá today, on 24 July 2020. Unfortunately the rise of covid-19 patients in Colombia forced the government to suspend international flights in Colombia until 31 August 2020; which caused me to still be here until the end of the suspension. I figured I’m going to be busy nearing my departure to Indonesia later on, so I think I’ll write my goodbye letter to Bogotá today.

I came to Bogotá hopeful for new adventures. I was young(-ish) then, thinking I could hold the world in the palm of my hands. I was hopeful that things will turned out the way I had planned. Little did I know, the moment you think you had life figured out, that’s when life was never yours to understand. I learned that being brave and independent means jackshit when you’re harassed. I thought I was this strong independent woman, but I was nothing but a coward that closes itself up when at 29 I experienced sexual harassment. I was angry, I was sad, I was scared, but most of all I hated myself. Why didn’t I fought back? Why did I just closed up like scaredy cat. Years of being angry whilst pretending that I’m not slightly bothered by it taught me that it is what it is; it is a part of my life, but it will not define who I am. I am still a strong and independent person that I have always thought of all those years.

I came to Bogotá thinking that this will just be another bump in the road that I must go through, much like all my previous adventures. But, I guess I was wrong, again. I was angry with everything for the better part of 2018. Angry over something that I couldn’t even understand. Talking about this now, I know what angers me then, but back in 2018 I was just full of pent up anger that knows no where it should go. I cling onto the belief that a strong woman will not break down over being alone and lonely halfway across the world from her loved ones. I was bitter and then I chastised myself for being bitter. Instead of taking care of myself, I was chastising myself for not being able to be this strong woman I have always thought of myself. I was a disappointment for myself.

I came to Bogotá with a notion that I’ll be better after all of this is over. It’s always like that, isn’t it? Things look bleak now, but years from then you’ll realise it wasn’t entirely bad. But, things didn’t turned out like that for me. I was depressed and anxious. My mind wanders to places it has never been to in the 31 years that I am alive. I felt like an utter failure; to myself, to my husband, to my family, to my future that I have planned for me. But, I trudge on, for I have no other option to trudge on. I cling on to the hope that this will all be over, eventually.

And it did, though it took longer than I had expected it. As I look back to my three tears in Bogotá, I’d probably will associate those memories with bad ones, but it’s not all bad. I think it’s just me being a hard headed person and not wanting to admit that all those three years just gone down the drain.

At the end of the day, Bogotá taught me that you are both your own worst enemy and also your only knight in shining armour. People can shit on your life, but when you shit on your own life yourself, that’s when the shit hits the fan. That’s when life loses all its meaning, because you can’t even defend yourself. But, help yourself up on your own, because that means so much more than expecting others to extend their hands. I learned that I’m not as helpless as I thought I was when I first came to Colombia. I learned that crying your eyes out doesn’t make you any less strong. I learned that it’s okay to give up once in awhile. I learned that I am my own best friend.

I make lots of crude remarks about my life in Bogotá, but truthfully it has been fun being here. I learned that I like living on my own. I will most definitely miss the solitude of being on my own once I’m back in Jakarta.

I don’t know where I’m going with this, but I want to bid my farewell to Bogotá. I probably will not going to miss Bogotá so soon after leaving her, but I’d probably looked back to my three years in Bogotá sometime when I’m 60 or so, and maybe then I’ll be able to laugh it all off. But, just for right now, Bogotá has been one hell of a stop over in my life that has rocked me more than the other places I’ve been in all 32 years of my life, so far.

Gracias Bogotá y hasta luego.