Happy birthday, Lemon!

I turned 30 just short of one month ago, and honestly it hasn’t quite sink in yet. I feel like, it’s just the way of life, you know? That you got older as the year gone by, and that’s pretty much it. It is the nature of things that I don’t like being told what to do with my life. I hated it, still do actually. And maybe that’s why the idea of growing old never really quite hit me, because I refuse to acknowledge what it all means. But, maybe today that’s about to change.

Today is my baby brother’s 27th birthday. It’s crazy, it honestly is. Because to me, he’s still my baby brother, the one in diaper and the one I told that he was adopted growing up. When you grow up, you change. You become an entirely different person than who you used to be when you were younger. I like to think I didn’t change at all from when I was younger, and to some extent it is true, but looking at how much my brother had changed from when he was still drooling and in diaper, it brought my own life into perspective. But, I’m not here to tell you about my life’s stories (that’s for another time), I’m here to tell you a story of my baby brother, which I will call Lemon in this story. Don’t ask why.

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I’m liking… Zumbo’s Just Desserts

Life is just generally boring for me the last few weeks after RAM went back to Abuja, but good things aren’t going to come and knocking on your doors; you have to make your own good things. And whilst a good food is sometimes more than enough to make me feel good, other times it could be music, tv shows or just literally could be anything. On that note, I am now seriously thinking of creating a new category, which would be about things that I am currently obsessing about. I don’t know if I can keep this category up, but we’ll have to see. So, what is my current obsession?

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Tunes of the week (2/2/2018 – 8/2/2018)

 

I tried writing a tune of the week since the last time I posted Declan McKenna’s Why Do You Feel So Down?, but apparently it’s hard to just pick one good song that have helped me survive the week. That being said, why should I limit myself to just one song when I can have several songs I would have enjoyed? Ergo, enjoy this tunes of the week and some of my personal comment. Oh and come have a listen on my playlist, hopefully this will get regularly updated every Friday.

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Friday Find(s): Why do you feel so down?

The beauty of being stuck in traffic (so long as you’re not the one driving, or you’re not in a hurry, or you’re not in dire need of a toilet break) is sometime you could stumble upon a great tune when you least expect it. Take this instance as an example, I was stuck in traffic this morning (obviously I was not driving, nor do I in need of a toilet break, but I might be in a hurry as I was on my way to work), I was just randomly listening to Spotify when I stumbled upon, Declan McKenna’s Why do you feel so down?

This was one of those songs that when you first listen to it, you would think that this is such a great tune to jam or to dance to. But, take a moment to listen to the lyrics, and you’ll realise, the song is not as fun as you thought it was. It has this cheesy pop tunes that is actually would make this song a proper tune to wake up in the morning. The lyrics, though..

The lyrics are somewhat self-deprecating, but seems very fitting of where I am right now.

No. No. I’m not looking for pity and going all “oh-woe-is-me”, but take a look and this part, “I’ve gone weak and I’m sick of speakin’.” But at the same time, the lyrics were sung with such a cheery and cheesy pop tune that you don’t really feel incredibly self deprecating.

Either way, this song is the song of this week and I am very stoke to share this as my Friday Find. I haven’t been writing a lot for Friday Find, and to my defence, I was not really around for the last two Fridays, so I’m going to make it up with this song.

So, if you’re into self-deprecating song but not necessarily a big fan of sad tunes that brought you unnecessary tear, I would totally recommend this song. And the video itself is not a bad thing to watch, pretty enjoyable and fitting to the song, I think. Cheery but a bit deprecating at the same time.

Morning workouts on TV? Who does that?

Hope you enjoy this song as much as I need and I hope that this song will get you through the week, like it did to me.


Musical note in the cover is designed by Freepik

 

Friday Find(s): Rock Bands

Another entry to the Friday Find(s), another minuscule discovery that have kept me going for another week. Last week, I stumbled upon a website that have helped me in writing, and whilst I don’t necessarily have been using it frequently, it was fun whilst it last.

This week, I stumbled upon several English and Scottish rock bands, of which I am already quite familiar with way back in 2013.

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Friday Find(s): Hemingway App.

Life can be shitty, but for a serial complainer like yours truly, life is shitty most of the time. I can go on a full on rant about why life is shitty, but I’ll refrain it. What I’m trying to do right now is to find the smallest of joy in life’s shitty moments. I can’t promise that I’ll always found something, but when I do, it’ll go straight to Friday Find(s).

Every Friday, I’ll post about things that I’ve found in the past days that gave me joy to keep me going for another week. It could literally be anything. It could be something that you could enjoy, or just simply random things that’ll cause you to scrunch up your face and think, “that makes you happy? No wonder you think your life is shitty.”

Either way, I welcome you to have a glimpse of my life and the things that made me happy. At the end of each find, I’ll give a score of five grinning face emojis for the finds that made me extremely happy or stoked throughout the week, and one grinning face emoji for a so-so find.

Without further ado, this is my first entry on Friday Find(s).

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The things I don’t understand about having a job.

One of the definition for job that I found in Merriam Webster was, a regular remunerative position, or a specific duty, role, or function. Whilst one of the definition for career that I found in Merriam Webster was, a field for or pursuit of consecutive progressive achievement especially in public, professional, or business life. That being said, is job and career one and the same? I genuinely think it’s not, but often times people use the words interchangeably. I am guilty of this mistake too, one too many times.

I have a job, but do I automatically have a career? I don’t know.

Flashback to several years ago, I said that I don’t want my job to define who I am. Who I am as a human being is not the same as who I am when I am doing my job, that much is the same for my career. Whatever career that I am building up right now shall not define who I am. But, sometimes it gets hard to distinguish who you are amongst the three.

I have a job because I oddly believes that it is what is expected of me, also I need to pay the bills.

I tried nailing the best job I could find. And by best, I meant the kind of job that requires less drama but pays quite nicely. I’m not sure if my job falls into that category, but after devoting six years of my life in that line of work, it’s kinda hard to want to play with fire and try to find another job. Call me a coward, but I ain’t playing with my bank account just for the sake of living outside of my comfort zones.

Do I have to change who I am, what I like, what I hate, the way I talk, the way I dress because of my job?

I certainly don’t think so, but somehow there are moments where I am not who I am and I pretend to be a completely different person, just so I can save my own ass, by extension saving my job so as not to get fired or be in some kind of pickle.

Why?

I don’t know. It was like an instinct. Like when your gut feeling is telling you to not walk alone in the dark. It’s an instant thing, I don’t even have a second to think about how hypocritical of me to fake niceties with people I couldn’t even stand given a different situation.

But most of all, what I don’t understand is, to what extent do I have to do something to be considered that it is a part of doing my job?

There are moments where I asked myself, am I doing my job when I’m doing this? Is this even part of my job description? And if it’s not, why the fuck am I doing this?

Oh right, because if I don’t do it, I’ll be taken as going against the boss’ order.


Why do I even have job if I’m so miserable? I don’t even care about career. I’m only doing this for the money, but how pathetic is it to be controlled by money that I sometimes am willing to be insulted and abused in the name of doing-my-job? Man, I wish I had answers to these questions, because then maybe I would be brave enough to say that enough is enough and walk away from it all without regrets.